Save Me
by Hinata Blossum No Jutsu
Summary: Part Songfic Seifer has been depressed since the Sorceress War, and thus he tries to commit suicide. Squall finds our sefie-chan and saves him. But how do you save someone who doesn’t want to be saved….? SxS Yaoi


I got tired of the 'Squall is depressed, Squall must be suicidal' when there were no real reasons (except the ones we make) for him like that... plus I love to torture seifer-chan. I just think Seifers' life is probably harder and all whatnot.  
  
Summary: Seifer has been depressed since the Sorceress War, and thus he tries to commit suicide. Squall finds our sefie-chan and saves him. But how do you save someone who doesn't want to be saved....? SxS Yaoi "talking"

((flashbacks))

_thinking/song lyrics_  
  
**GF talking**  
  
Seifer punched in the code to his room in a daze, the movements mechanical and deliberate. He ignored the odd or concerned stare of the passerby, and strode into his purposeful but very empty room. A bed, a dresser, kitchen to the left, bathroom to the right, all the pale blue or dark azure of the Garden's dorm rooms. Odd posters of a band strewn about, a girls pale face staring at him from all of them. [1]  
  
And Seifer himself was in disarray. The only messy thing in this room.  
  
He had endured another beating by those kids at the Garden who still didn't trust him

((Sorceress's Lapdog! Traitor! You don't deserve to be here... why did the commander let you back?!))  
  
In his former glory, he could've beaten them off.. Maybe he still could now, but he didn't try. His blonde hair was long and shaggy, hanging in his face, not as long as Squalls but longer that he had ever kept it. His once bright emerald eyes were slightly sunken in, and had a hollow look to them. He was pretty thin, now- Quistis had begun to worry he was anorexic. HE wasn't... he just ate very little. Anorexics ate a lot then threw up. (("Its still the same thing!" she had yelled, and he had walked away)) His clothes hung off him now... baggy back pants that he needed a belt for, his familiar blue vest, and he'd discarded the old trench coat for a black duster. In his current state, he had a bruise forming on his left cheek, probably some cracked ribs, and he was walking with a slight limp, and numerous cuts on the rest of him.  
  
**So pathetic....** A voice in his head curled, snarling with disgust. Ifrit, his Gf companion. His one friend...  
  
((You said you wanted to be known, right?  
  
...  
  
Then come with me. We'll make you into something.))  
  
And maybe Leonhart as well...  
  
One year ago, Leonhart had come to him- Seifer'd been filthy, in a daze, living in a soiled apartment- barely living, in fact. Rajin and Fujin had led him there. He had blatantly said the Seifer should get over himself, and then had suggested he come back to garden.  
  
Obviously he had protested. Why go back to garden?!  
  
((Because you'll be someone there.))  
  
What about the kids, the people who hated him?  
  
((When did what anyone thought ever matter to you?))  
  
Wouldn't the 'orphanage gang' protest?  
  
((If they do, I'll make them want you.))  
  
....  
  
((Please.))  
  
That had sealed it. That one simple word. And often now, he found himself regretting being led back by the Lion. Squall was looser, but apparently loosest with him. He'd seen him smile, made him laugh... he felt exilarated, being able to do that, plus get a rise out of him still.  
  
Seifer swore, his once brilliant eyes blazing, and swung his fist into the wall. He knew why he'd come back. It wasn't a simple "please" or to regain glory. It was for him.  
  
_He was in love with Squall. And he'd do anything to make Squall happy or content.  
_  
But he still couldn't handle it, being the 'Sorceress's Knight' to everyone else. And so, he made the descsion. Stepping towards his small clock radio, he turned it one, cranking it up, a melody playing that fit his mood.  
  
I_ tried to kill my pain,  
  
But only brought more (so much more) _

_I lay dieing, and im pouring _

_Crimson regret, and betrayal. _

_Im dieing (dieing) _

_Praying (praying) _

_Bleeding (bleeding) _

_And screaming _

_Am I too lost, __to be saved? _

_Am I too lost?  
  
My god, my tourniquet _

_Return to me salvation _

_My god, my tourniquet  
  
Return to me salvation  
  
DO you remember me?  
  
Lost voice so cold _

_Will you be one the other side _

_Or will you forget me? _

_In dieing (dieing) _

_Praying (praying) _

_Bleeding (bleeding) _

_And screaming _

_Am I too lost, to be saved? _

_Am I too lost?  
  
My god, my tourniquet _

_Return to me salvation _

_My god, my tourniquet  
  
Return to me salvation  
  
I've longed to die!  
  
My god, my tourniquet, _

_Return to me salvation. _

_My god, my tourniquet, _

_Return to me salvation.  
  
My wounds cry for the grave _

_My soul cries for deliverance _

_Will I be denied?  
  
Christ, _

_Tourniquet,  
  
My suicide...  
_  
There was no sound from Seifer by the time the song ended....

Squall growled mentally, cursing Seifer. He'd gotten numerous calls from his neighbors that he was playing music too loud, and wouldn't answer the knocks at his door, so he'd been called down. Apparently, he only listened to the commander.  
  
Squalls stormy blue eyes were blazing, his long brunette hair hanging in his face menacingly as he approached the door. There were a few students around it, grumbling angrily, but they were silenced by a glare from him.  
  
He knocked on the door. "Seifer." More knocks. "Seifer!" Pounding. "SEIFER, OPEN THIS GODDAMNED DOOR!"  
  
Now royally pissed, Squall punched in the master code [2] and opened the door. Music assaulted his ears.  
  
_Good morning day _

_Sorry im not there _

_But all my favorite friends vanished in the air _

_It's hard to fly when you cant even run _

_Once I had the world and now I've got no one  
  
If I needed someone to control me _

_I__f I needed someone to hold me down _

_I would change my direction and save myself before I _

_If I needed someone to control me _

_I__f I needed someone to push me around _

_I would change my direction and save myself before I _

_Drown _

_Drown  
_  
The next thing Squall noticed was the blood.  
  
_Seifer was lying face down in a puddle of the dark red liquid, which seemed to come from his wrists. Was a human being supposed to have this much blood?  
_  
He stood there, shocked for a moment, and then began to move. "Get Dr. Kadowaki!" he barked kneeling down next to Seifer. No one moved. "NOW!" People began moving. He rolled Seifer over onto his back, and...  
  
Seifer was pale. Really pale. Possibly more than himself. His eyes were closed, but his face held a look of grim satisfaction. Squall tried not to focus on how much blood he'd already lost, smeared around them, but on stemming the flow of blood from his wrists, with one thought in his mind.  
  
_Seifer, you can't die.  
_  
And the music poured on...  
  
_Good morning day _

_Sorry your not here _

_But all those times before, you're never this unclear _

_It's hard to walk when you can't even crawl _

_Once I had this world, now I've lost it all  
  
If I needed someone to control me _

_If I needed someone to hold me down _

_I would change my direction and save myself before I- _

_If I needed someone to control me _

_If I needed someone to push me around _

_I would change my direction, and save myself before I- _

_Drown (rolling faster then im breathing) _

_Drown (rolling faster then im breathing) _

_Drown (rolling faster then im breathing)  
  
If I needed someone to control me _

_If I needed someone to hold me down _

_I would change my direction and save myself before I- _

_If I needed someone to control me _

_If I needed someone to push me around  
  
I would change my direction before I-  
_  
((Time flash: Forward one day))  
  
Seifer could feel it, the bright light assaulting his eyelids. He'd never thought hell would be so bright..  
  
Someone was talking to him, trying to get him to open his eyes. Groaning, he cracked open his eyes to see the poor soul that had the pleasure of welcoming him to hell...  
  
Leonhart?!  
  
_Oh that's ironic. Death thinks he can mock me._  
  
"Seifer, are you awake?"  
  
HE let out a weak laugh. "That's not funny, death..." he whispered hoarsely. "Taking the form of the sexiest guy alive... got get someone else...."  
  
And with that, he closed his eyes, hoping when he woke up he'd see the Reaper, or Ifrit, or Selphie.... [3]

Squall was really confused. Seifer had woken up, called him death, told him not to be 'the sexiest guy alive', then passed out again.  
  
No way. He wanted answers. _Now._  
  
"Almasy! WAKE UP!" he yelled into his ear, causing the older man to jump up.  
  
"HYNE!" yelled Seifer, more like a yelp. HE looked around, then groaned and fell back onto his pillow. "I'm not dead." His glassy eyes stared at the ceiling. Squall raised his eyebrow. "Yes. You're not dead. Mind telling me why you tried?!" Squall tried not to look at the bandages, not to remember the panic he felt.  
  
_Seifer, you can't die. You're my rival, and the only person who really understands. That's why I broke up with Rinoa.  
  
_Seifer looked at him, then away. "Actually, no. Do your job and kick me out of garden." Squall snorted; hell would have to freeze over for him to do that. **Ifrits hell, I assume...** came the cool melodic voice of Shiva from inside his mind. Squall smirked to himself. _You've been there plenty of times before, Shiva... _he thought teasingly. The GF blushed and removed herself for the time being.  
  
"What're you smirking about, Squall?"  
  
Squall looked at him, mildly surprised. "What?" asked Seifer.

"You called me Squall."  
  
"No I didn't." The response was quick and panicky, telling Squall he had heard right. "Whatever," he said, sitting down in the chair next to Seifer. "I'm not leaving until I have a reason,"  
  
"For what?"  
  
"This!" he gestured offhandly. "You know what I mean." Seifer looked at his arms, then back to him. "I was bored?" he said timidly.  
  
Squall growled. "Cut the crap." He stood up, glaring menacingly at the older man. "I want to know whats going on."  
  
Seifer was looking down, avoiding the glare. "I... got tired." Squall raised an eyebrow.  
  
"A little more detail, please."  
  
Seifer was still looking down, but he said, "I got tired of being who I am. I got tired of being the Sorceress's lapdog. I get beat up almost everyday by people who hate me, but I let them. I deserve it. I did horrible things to people and I suffer it night and day.  
  
"I have nightmares... about the final fight, about all the people, women, men, children who I killed. I'm a monster..." he trailed off. "No one loves a monster," his voice was quiet, leaden with unshed tears, "So I shouldn't expect anyone to love me...  
  
"...even you."  
  
The room was silent. Seifer didn't look up, didn't want to see Squalls face, the anger, or the confusion, whatever it was. So the painful silence stretched on, and on.  
  
Squall was actually struggling with his thoughts. Everything was clicking now; why Seifer was so sickly looking sometimes, why he'd never felt right with Rinoa....  
  
Seifer didn't even look up when he heard the rustle of fabric, think Squall was leaving. Tears were welling up in his shiny eyes. But then he felt a hand on his chin, and he was forced to look up into squalls brilliant Gray- blue eyes.  
  
[4]"Look at me," Squall said softly. "I don't hate you. I can.. never hate you. Not even for this," he gestured to his scar "I was ... so scared when I saw you, lying there... And I realized why.." Squall leaned in, capturing Seifers' lips in a soft, soul-searing kiss. When he pulled back, he whispered  
  
"I love you."  
  
Seifer choked back a sob, pulling Squall into a hug and burying his face into his chest. The "I love you too" was muffled, but Squall heard it. He smiled slightly and held Seifer, stroking his hair.  
  
After a few minutes, Seifer pulled back, looking at him. "Don't ever leave,' he said softly. Squall smiled again.  
  
"Why would I ever want to?" he asked, and leaned in for another kiss.  
  
[1] It's Amy from Evanescence. I figured Seifer'd love it, since he's so depressed.  
  
[2] Well.. Like a master key. They wouldn't just not know the codes!!!!!!!!!  
  
[3] Hehe.. Death takes forms, right? Well, he doesn't like our residential ball of spunk.  
  
[4] I love SxS. I love Angst. I love reading fluff. Writing it makes me feel squicky.  
  
So? How ya love it? How ya hate it? Tell me!!


End file.
